As part of my own journey to increased resilience I have made some interesting discoveries. I’ll be sharing these in my blog, some of which you may recognise from your own experiences.
In this first blog, I’d like to share how I decided to change my responses to events so I am no longer a victim of the behaviour of others. Being a very sensitive person is what makes me intuitive and empathetic with others.
The downside for a sensitive person is being easily hurt by the words and actions of others. If, like me, you have lived a lot of your life like this, then you know how unhappy this can make you feel.
A new approach
A couple of years ago I decided I needed to view things differently. If someone hurt me by their words or actions, rather than ending up feeling overwhelmed, I took a different approach. Firstly I acknowledge how I feel. I allow those powerful emotions to flow rather than pretend they don’t exist and, importantly, I don’t assume it is entirely my fault. Failing to experience our emotions and let them dissipate, instead storing them in our bodies leads to health issues. I learnt this to my cost.
Secondly, I try and look at the event from a different perspective, in fact incredibly as a precious gift from that person. This approach stopped me being the victim. Often when upset by something or someone, our response relates to a past event that we haven’t processed properly. A disagreement with an unhelpful shop assistant may just have touched a raw nerve from a past negative event. Now, instead of my usual reaction – feeling pain or blame – I try to stop, think and question myself.
Some of the questions I ask include:
- What is actually going on here?
- What can I learn from this situation?
- What has happened to me before that triggered this response?
Often, the behaviours that upset us most are mirrors of issues that we recognise in ourselves.
This approach has made such a difference. I am now in a position of strength instead of being a victim. Such situations no longer affect me so negatively.
Try doing things differently
So if you are tired of feeling like a victim of other people’s behaviour, try doing things differently. Turn things on their head and be grateful for the learning experience. You may release some negative, painful experience from the past. You may be surprised by how differently you feel, especially towards the person concerned.
Remember you don’t have to do it alone. If you feel like you need some help or support along the way, then read about the ways I use to help many people to build resilience into their lives.